Love Thyself

Imagine walking into a room full of people—some familiar faces and some strangers—all there to celebrate a birthday. Maybe you find yourself plagued by self-consciousness, constantly worried about how you come across to others, how you look. So, you’re definitely not getting on the dance floor! Or maybe, you exude an air of arrogance, believing that you're better than everyone else in the room. So, you’re not even going to bother mingling. Whichever way—both extremes are a form of “self”, and both rob you of the very purpose of being there. They rob you of the experience of the birthday.

We’ve become so fixated on making ourselves feel good, look good, be good—we’ve lost what is actually good—and that is our PURPOSE of being alive and the purpose of the things we do. 

In a world where self-love is praised as the ultimate solution, it's time we examine its real impact on our well-being. I want to shed light on the idea that true healing and fulfillment go beyond the "love yourself first" message, which contradicts the physical, emotional, and spiritual laws of our being.

I'll be honest—there's something about the self-love movement that bothers me. Phrases like "self-love is the greatest investment" or "make yourself a priority" or "I choose me" really irk me. Why? Because these ideas subtly deceive us and rob us by doing the opposite of what we are searching for. They go against our very design and keep us stuck. 

Here’s why:

1. Our bodies, made up of trillions of cells, function like pumps, constantly exchanging energy and resources through contract/release motions that cause and activate connection. 

When we focus on self-preservation, self-absorption, and “love thyself,” we disrupt this natural flow, causing a sense of confusion and holding on in the body, which can eventually manifest as illness and negatively impact our overall health.

We are going AGAINST ourselves by constantly focusing ON ourselves, and we automatically LOSE connection because we don’t get connection by connecting to ourselves! (Duh!)

Connection is an electrical current extending out that gives back. The body works in a feedback loop. There’s a reason why our eyes face out and not in. There’s a reason why our arms and legs are called extensions. There’s a reason why there are others beside ourselves in this world. We aren’t meant to keep things in. We get better when we physically reach out, when we extend a hand, when we focus on others. 

2. In our achievement-oriented culture, it is easy to fall into the trap of measuring our worth based on external validation, accomplishments, and physical glorification. The pursuit of self-love driven solely by the need to fill a void or improve one's image can be a never-ending exhausting treadmill. 

What I mean is you can’t fix low self-esteem by making yourself feel better because then you’ll constantly be needing to do things to make you feel better. You’ll  be desperately looking for that “next thing” to lift you up. Then you’ll go down the comparison road which is even more soul-destroying because you’ll be constantly looking at others and trying what they are doing, then questioning yourself because it’s not working for you!! If you keep striving for self-love, you are in a state of pretence and therefore inauthentic. This is because high esteem or low esteem is still pride and pride disconnects. (Don’t hear what I’m not saying. I’m not saying don’t look after yourself. I’m saying be aware these things don’t fulfill and rob you! ). 

3. You may or may not believe in God, but either way, people love to quote, "even the Bible says love your neighbor as you love yourself, so you see, you have to love yourself first." However, in context, this is referring to understanding YOU. It has to do with placing the appropriate value upon your life that God has placed. You are a masterpiece made in the Image of God for His absolute adoration, pleasure and relationship. To love yourself like this scripture says, is to place value on the fact that He loves you first. Not according to your performance, achievement, feelings or goodness. He loves you by the fact that He wanted so much to restore a relationship with you, so He sent Jesus to die FOR your pride and separation from Him. He died to connect us back to our PURPOSE, which is a relationship with Him and others. So the scripture is actuality NOT meaning you have to love you first. It’s meaning you’re already of unconditional value so you don’t have to earn it! So don’t strive to prove anything. You’re proven and can enjoy the experience.

So, you can see all the self-love with "zen," happy mantras, and "I deserve this pedicure" will not do anything lasting because it is only a fleeting pleasure. (I’m not against the pleasures we like, I’m just against them being forced to fill something they can’t).

Why am I writing this? It’s not to be critical and there’s no shame as we ALL fall short. It’s just I know the root of our issue is our heart issues and “self” is a huge disconnect!! And I want us to be free! 

I want you to be reminded of your purpose. Like at the birthday in the introduction, when you walk into the room without any worry of self, I want you to enjoy why you’re in the room -connection with people, laughter, and to enjoy the occasion.

I want you to come 2nd in a race and be able to celebrate with the winner and still enjoy the purpose of the race—to run! 

I want you to experience such freedom from yourself, where you can stop connecting every experience, every conversation, every thought to what others might have thought.

To not have to defend or fight.  

To do things for the joy of doing them. To help people to help people. 

To not have to “do” to ease your insecurities or fill up the emptiness with empty things.

Can you love something like you love a sunrise? Just because it happens? 

Can you be equally joyful when others achieve something as if you had accomplished it yourself—because the happiness lies in witnessing it? Simply appreciating the fact that it happened, regardless of whether it was someone else's success or your own? 

We can learn to find joy in things that aren't about us. Our work, relationships, fitness and life  don't have to revolve around us. We can genuinely enjoy them for what they are, without using them solely for our CV or to fill a void. Wouldn't you want that? Wouldn’t you want that freedom? 

True fulfillment doesn't come from measuring ourselves against others or relying on their responses. It doesn’t come from your feelings. 

Instead, it comes from embracing our purpose and finding meaning in our actions and the purpose of the experience.

It's not about thinking more or less of ourselves, but simply thinking of ourselves less. 
The “self-love” you’ve been searching for is rooted in connection. Your spirit, soul and body connect and come alive when you truly grasp that you START from a place of infinite value  - you don’t have to still get it. (Do you know that this value is there whether you believe it or not? It’s based purely on Gods unconditional love for you). 

Let go of the “just not good enough, just miss the mark” wound that grips and separates you from enjoying with passion and determination the life ahead of you. It is so worth it!