When I first saw this photo it stopped me in my tracks. I saved it and every now and again I’ve come back and stared at it. For many reasons. The first being I’m familiar with both ladies - and it brought back a flood of memories and reminders of my time with an eating disorder.
I looked at the lady on the right and remembered myself being that thin - where even my pillow hurt my bones as they protruded. Guilty that this “achievement” had not brought happiness. The voice in my head kept saying "be more controlled - your unhappiness means you're not thin enough".
I looked at the lady on the left and remembered the gorging of food, taking boxes of laxatives to desperately get the shame of putting on weight out. I can physically remember that feeling of being out of control and disgusted with myself
I look at this photo and what I see is the exact same thing manifesting differently. Trapped in desperation. Guilt, shame, fear, guilt shame, fear - repeat the cycle.
Here is my take on this photo, and how to navigate through an eating disorder, disordered eating and body obsession in MY experience.
Let me point out - the society we live in has created disordered eating and a PHOBIA about weight. So you’re not excluded just cos you don’t have a diagnosed disorder. If you're obsessed with how you look, then read on please. Ok so my take:
🌞Firstly, their foreheads are touching. Its SUCH a picture of the mental aspect, the neural pathway embedded, maybe a bit from genetics, but also input from the environment, emotion, as well as the spiritual force, that they’ve chosen to think about themselves as they do.
🌞Secondly, they are looking down. Downcast in two ways. Most people are always looking down at the size of their tummy, the size of their thighs - just running themselves down. Then, there’s that depression in their whole being. Downcast. Downcast. It’s again this constant focus, obsession and shame at their size which overwhelms their whole being. Something must be wrong with them as everything they try doesn’t work and last.
🌞Thirdly, they’re on their knees. Surrendered to fear. Fearful to believe what they know deep inside, that they are NOT actually disgusting. To think against the crowd, against society’s false, fickle mold. It’s too hard to accept that the body and mind are created for gentle and consistent care to sustain long life. They’re lured into thinking if it’s not a hard struggle, with violent exercise, self denial and hatred, then it won’t work and they are surely weak at wanting to be content with simple, common sense balance. This is society’s message.
So how did I personally overcome an eating disorder/disordered eating?
🌞I had an encounter with Jesus Christ and He became my saviour and opened the door to my healing. If you’re not a believer, please don’t stop reading. This journey is yours and any relationship with God is personal so I do hope you accept Him on your journey, I’m just sharing my turning point. To find a purpose and hope greater than the love of what controls you, and to daily surrender and commit to it is the beginning of recovery.
🌞I stopped looking down at my self absorption and focused on others. I’m totally convinced that healing and change comes from shifting the focus outward to others. It’s the best antidepressant, uplifter of spirits and motivator. I look at other people and think about them. I’m interested to know their story and I like to ask questions. The what’s, where’s, why’s and how’s of their lives and thoughts...their path keeps me looking up and not down. Humility removes shame.
🌞I did/do it daily -choosing a new neural pathway of thought that when done consistently became my preferred thought pathway, the old pathway a memory.
🌞I’m committed to the foundational truths of the body and mind that God has created for our benefit. Trusting the truth of consistency.
I acknowledge the realities of consequences for every action.
I’m not afraid to question, test and choose according to these guiding truths. Im not afraid of a lifetime of consistent work and effort!
Nothing is a quick fix and you will never “get to the goal” unless you accept you have to maintain it!!!!
Fear is removed when we are secure which brings lasting control and peace.
All I can say is, this photo reminded me of the heart of my health message.
Its about freedom. It’s a lifelong journey of consistency, of small daily seed sowing. It’s not the size, it’s not the fancy programs but connections that OPEN and bring freedom.
We live in such a disconnected world that promotes you feeling guilt, fear and shame to the point where you question trusting yourself. Don’t be robbed any longer! Be brave to listen to the small voice that says you don’t need to fit the mould and you are loved.
Health has to be on sustainable foundations, it’s not just one thing and it’s personal to you!!
Everything is connected and nothing works alone. I love love love finding the connections and restoring health foundations - to respect myself enough to care for my body but for the service and ministry to others. 😘. I hope you’ll realise the same and experience freedom.